Sent: Tuesday, 1 December, 2009 23:04:01
Subject: X Men: The Next Generation After This Generation Now

Dear Fox Movie Corporation,

How are you?

I was in town earlier, (I was grocery shopping) and I was thinking about the X Men movies and everything. They’re great, aren’t they? I love the way that the X Men can do things that normal people can’t. Which I bet was a relief to you, as, if they could just do normal stuff, the films wouldn’t be half as good. I mean, on the one hand, I’d probably still watch, ‘The X Men Catch a Bus and Have a Nice Day Out,’ but I probably wouldn’t enjoy it quite as much.

Anyway, I was in town and I was thinking about the X Men, when something really weird happened. That’s right. I noticed that I, too, had a superpower! So, my idea is; why don’t I become an X Man?!

I’d be bloody brilliant!

Right, this is my special power: I can “make people, kind of, walk in to me, a bit, but not quite.” Spooky, eh? And it’s real, too! Look, imagine you were walking along the pavement, or ‘sidewalk’, as you say in America, (though you’re in LA, which means you might have never walked down either a sidewalk or a pavement, so imagine, instead, that you were someone entirely different who had walked down either A. A Sidewalk, or 2. A Pavement). Anyway, imagine, I was walking towards you, (or your nominated ‘pretend person’) well, I could – using my strange and mysterious powers of mind control – cause you inadvertently to swerve in the same direction as I did, thus causing you a brief moment of minor embarrassment AND to mutter something vaguely apologetic under your breath, but that can’t actually be made out.

Both uncanny and a little scary, isn’t it?

Don’t worry, I know the practical applications of this amazing power aren’t all that obvious. Not least, in the whole Good Vs Evil/Saving the World, type scenario, but bear with me. No really. This isn’t just some half arsed idea that’s occurred to me on a whim. No, I’ve thought it through and everything. Imagine, if you will, the evil Magneto coming back from the shops to destroy the world, or something. Well, what if I were to use my strange and mysterious power to nearly bump into him, but not quite? You see? He might be so paralyzed by that fleeting period of slight social awkwardness and minor embarrassment that he’d put off destroying the world ‘till the next day. Instead, he might just prefer a nice cup of tea, a good sit down and to watch an old episode of All Creatures Great and Small, (a gripping British TV thriller. It’s a little like ‘The Unit’, only with vets and Christopher Timothy in it).

So, there you go. What do you think? Pretty good, isn’t it? Not least because I can actually do it. I was thinking, in terms of name, we could go with ‘The Bamboozler’, because that’s what I’d do: I’d Bamboozle people, (by nearly bumping into them, but not quite).

And, though I might be getting ahead of myself, if you want to make ‘Bamboozler; The Origins’, (though a good version this time) I could talk to Preston Council, (I was in Preston when I first discovered my superpower). Could Halle Berry be in it?

Anyway, let me know what you think.

Best regards,

Simon S. Cordall AKA *The Bamboozler

* Though that should probably be my special, secret, name.